A couple of days ago, Dylan, VT Daddy and I returned home from vacation. We had gone to Cape Cod to meet up with my dad, my sister, and her boyfriend (who is now her fiancee – congrats sis!). We were there for almost a week and it was wonderful to spend so much time with people that we love, especially each other. There were no household chores or projects competing for our attention and we were able to relax and do fun stuff.
Dylan’s favorite thing about vacation might just have been the hallways of the hotel that we stayed in. At least twice a day, he would take my dad (his grandfather, AKA Papa Jim) by the hand and lead him out the door of the room and into the hallway. They had all kinds of adventures in those hallways, saying hello to everyone, checking out what the cleaning ladies were doing, and riding around on luggage carts. He also enjoyed the small beaches that we went to.
I think that sometimes people mourn the end of a vacation and the return to their usual existence. While we had a wonderful time on vacation and we appreciated the break from our usual duties and obligations, we are happy to be home. Home is a nice place, a comfortable place where the warmth of all that is familiar welcomes you back to the rhythm of your ordinary days. Ordinary does not imply boring, though, because within those times that are punctuated by approximately the same activities each day there is plenty of room for glorious moments, surprises, and other wonderful things. Going away from home is fun and exciting and it provides an opportunity for one to appreciate the joys of having a home that you love to go home to.
This week, Dylan has been doing some funny things. He seems to want to do things that a “big boy” would do, like having a diaper that pulls up like underwear (they do not make pull ups that small so I fasten the diaper together and put it on him while he stands up) and sitting in a regular size chair at the dining room table (not super safe, I’m ordering him a booster seat ASAP). At the same time, he has been requesting that his milk be served to him in a baby bottle, which he has not had since around his first birthday.
Watching him grow and change is so amazing, and so amusing at the same time : )
Not in an actual sense, of course, but I have found that the recent very toasty temperatures and high humidity have sapped my mental and physical energy. Fortunately one of Dylan’s favorite things to do these days is hang out in his kiddie pool. I hang out in there with him and we have a great time. It makes me so happy to see how delighted he is with all of the things that he can do in the water.
As a former swim teacher, I understand how important for children to have positive early experiences with water. Most of what we do consists of play, but when he does things like holding his breath if he topples over, I take the time to explain how good it is that he can do that and how important it is to act safely in the water. I can tell that he feels comfortable in the water, and it is my hope that the confidence that he has now will stay with him as he eventually learns to swim on his own. He just gets so very happy when we play in the pool, and it makes me smile every time I think of it!
As I said before, though, my brain is quite melted and does not have any earth shattering information to share with you today : )
When you share your home with other people, you may realize after a while that your nutritional needs are different than theirs are. This poses the issue of how to feed everyone in the family while accounting for the nutritional needs of everyone in the family as well as their taste preferences.
On the taste side of things, I have it pretty easy as far as Dylan and VTDaddy are concerned. Dylan will eat most things except for some meats, and VTDaddy appreciatively chows down on multiple portions of whatever I happen to whip up for dinner whether it is gourmet or plain and simple. I also enjoy the taste of most things, except that I sometimes feel like I enjoy the taste of certain foods a little too much.
That brings me to my next point, the nutritional needs of the people in my home. Dylan is a busy, growing toddler who is a little bit on the light side as far as weight goes. It is my job as a parent to not only ensure that he gets enough to eat, but that his diet is balanced. VTDaddy and I take it even a step further than that by choosing not to feed him things that contain sugar or high fructose corn syrup, and by buying some things organic as often as we can. VTDaddy needs lots of food, and also needs food that he can eat quickly for lunch while taking a short break from whatever household project he is working on. He is one of those guys that can eat a ton of food and effortlessly maintain an attractive, athletic figure. Then there’s me. I’m about 30 pounds overweight. I do not usually eat more than I need to feel satisfied but I do have a penchant for sweets and rich foods, both of which I avoid as much as I can. It seems as though I should lose weight since I walk for about an hour on hilly dirt roads about four times a week. However, the scale is not budging.
Something is going to have to change around here, but I am not sure exactly where to begin. The last time that I walked was two days ago and I added in intervals of running. I am sure that I will have to make some changes on the food side of things, but since other people’s needs are involved that will take a little more thought and a little more work. I’ll keep you updated on how that goes.
Right now, Dylan has gone to bed and VTDaddy and I are both busy with things around the house. We call it “doing separate things together”, and it happens quite often around here because both of us have a lot of things on our plates. I have found that there is actually a certain form of closeness involved in “doing separate things together”. We are both at home, so simply knowing that the other person is there feels nice. If either of us would like to chat, we can do that too. Both of us are immersed in activities that we feel are worthwhile, and that is a good thing. We do share some common interests (especially playing with our little guy) but we also have separate projects and interests. I love to cook and bake, so sometimes I’ll do that. Writing (for work and for pleasure) and reading also top my list of things that I enjoy doing. VTDaddy is one of those guys that almost always has some sort of project going on. I am in awe of all of the things that he is able to do – right now he is working on building a deck that wraps around two sides of the house! When we spend time together, we always have plenty to talk about – we can always fill each other in on what we have been doing. The best way to describe the joyful feeling that comes along with “doing separate things together” is that feeling when you are so comfortable with someone, so at peace that you could spend an hours-long car ride together and barely exchange a word, chosing instead to simply bask in the warmth and happiness of the other’s presence.
Sometimes, having a sensitive child can be a bit overwhelming. Some children seem to be sensitive to everything and even the tiniest thread in the toe of their sock can cause them to become very upset. Others are very tuned in to your every emotion, and despite your efforts to censor the words that they hear they feel your stresses and moods. The exact way in which a sensitive child expresses his or her sensitivity can vary dramatically.
Dylan’s sensitivity is often expressed as tender-heartedness which is an absolutely beautiful thing to witness in a child so young. I see it when he puts his stuffed sheep next to my breast so that she can “nurse”, when he feeds her with a bottle, or when he wakes up VTDaddy and myself in the morning with kisses. I shared a moment with Dylan today that made me think about how lucky I am to have a sensitive child.
Today I was doing a cooking project in the kitchen, making a big batch of steak-bomb burritos. I was slicing the peppers and onions and I was not as careful as I should have been – ouch! The small cut on my finger began to bleed so I ran to wash it and put on a band-aid. When I returned to the kitchen, Dylan pointed at my bandaged finger. He wanted to know what had happened. I explained that I had been acting unsafely and that I had cut my finger with the knife. He said “uh-oh” and took my finger in his tiny hand and kissed it. My heart melted as I scooped him up for a big hug, and I thanked him for making it all better.
Tender-heartedness is a characteristic of many sensitive children. Sensitive children require a lot of energy, patience and sensitivity from their parents. When their needs are attended to in a thoughtful way, sensitive children can show a range and depth of loving emotion that could heal even the most wounded soul (or finger, as the case may be). I am proud to be the parent of a sensitive child and I hope to help Dylan to understand this unique and special aspect of his personality so that he can feel good about it too.
Over the past few weeks, I have noticed that the response that I get from my son while transitioning from one activity to another depends largely upon how I approach the transition. For example, if we are playing outside and I abruptly decide that it is time to go in and I tell him that it is time to go inside right then and there, the likely result is that he will say “No, no, no”. As adorable as it is when he says that, it is a signal to me that that approach simply is not going to work.
At nineteen months old, I am not sure whether Dylan understands exactly what a minute, or five minutes, or ten minutes is. He seems to comprehend the notion of time, though, and I have been able to use that to get us through many transitions successfully. If I want to go inside and we are playing outside, I let him know that in five minutes we will be going inside. He may still say no, but as the time passes and I count down the minutes, he usually wraps up his activity. By the time that I say that the time is up and we are going inside, he is almost always ready to go. Sometimes he even wraps up play early and heads for the door after a couple of minutes.
When we are inside, one of his favorite activities is washing dishes with me. He stands on a chair at the sink, and plays in the water while I wash the dishes. He used to get upset when I would turn off the water and tell him that we were all done with the dishes. Now, I tell him that I am finished washing the dishes and he can play in the water for one more minute. He finishes playing and usually does not even have to be told that his minute is up before climbing down from the chair and moving on to something else.
Transitions can be tricky for toddlers. If you handle them with care and observe what works for your child, you can find a way to make them less of a hassle for both of you. Your day and your child’s day will be a little bit brighter because of it.
Nursing a toddler. It can be amusing, endearing, and many other things depending upon the day. At nineteen months old, my son is still nursing and I am not inclined to wean him until he decides that he is ready to do so on his own. There are many reasons why I continue to nurse my son, but the most important reason can be summarized by the look on his face when he is nursing. It is a look of profound appreciation, a look that indicates that he is feeling safe and comfortable.
If you are a mother who is nursing a toddler, you may sometimes be criticized for your decision. It can be difficult, and critics can be harsh, but please do not let criticism from others influence your decision on whether to wean your child or to let him wean on his own. You chose to nurse your toddler because you felt that it was right. Other people do not know what is right for you and for your family.
I have noticed that the level of societal acceptance of mothers who nurse toddlers seems to vary greatly depending upon where you are. This may be a naïve observation, and mothers may be happily nursing their toddlers in places where I have observed a great deal of criticism of extended breastfeeding. However, those mothers may have endured more criticism than I have up here in do-what-you-want country. My heart goes out to these mothers and I applaud their strength to persist in doing what they know to be right for their families.
Even though I have largely been able to avoid criticism for nursing my 19 month old son, I am going on vacation later this summer to a place that I fear may not be as toddler-nursing-friendly as the place that I call home. I’m planning ahead, and have come up with some responses that I can “pack in my suitcase” to have at the ready if and when I should come under fire for nursing my toddler. Humor should come in handy, and I do have a quick wit. I also like to educate others about the benefits of nursing whenever I get the chance. Saying something like “Oh, I’m sorry, perhaps I should make him eat his snack in the bathroom.” followed by “Did you know that, the World Health Organization suggests breastfeeding until at least two years old” should help to diffuse the situation should it occur.
Over the past few days, I have noticed something interesting. What I have noticed is the difference that one hour can make. Specifically, I have noticed that when I wake up around 9AM instead of 10AM I have a much better day.
I realize that it is a small miracle that I am ever able to sleep until 10AM, given that I have a nineteen month old child. I think that Dylan can sleep as late as he does because he sleeps in our bed and VT Daddy works late and therefore sleeps late. A few days ago I noticed that we were all sleeping until around 10AM, and I was not feeling like myself for the rest of the day.
The day after I noticed that I was feeling rather cranky and rotten, I decided to wake up at 9AM. Of course, Dylan wanted to wake up then too but that as fine with me. In fact, it could not have been finer. The entire day was splendid. I had more energy, more patience, and much more fun. I repeated my little experiment the following day and had another great day.
While I realize that my little boy’s ability to sleep late is a rare and beautiful thing, I also realize that I have to balance it with my need to wake up at a certain time. Waking up one hour earlier makes such a huge difference for the rest of the day that it s important for both of us that I do that. I never realized how the time at which a person gets up in the morning can affect their entire day until just recently – I thought that the more sleep a person got, the better off they would be. Just like any other good thing, it is entirely possible to get too much sleep.
